Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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