i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
