we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
