I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
And then he peed in my hair
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