READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize