im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
