just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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