I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
