I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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