I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
