i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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