two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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