where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
