you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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