My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
