My brain says no but my pants say off.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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