im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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