I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
