I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
