Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
