I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
