He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
