My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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