what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
