Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
