Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
