in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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