You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
