I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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