Moan for me like Helen Keller
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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