i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
