i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
