Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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