My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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