Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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