im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
