no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
