I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
