:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
