enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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