spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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