erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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