I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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