so explain again why im purple
no
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
