My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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