My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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