Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
