TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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