Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize