I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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