My room smells like vodka and shame
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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