I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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