u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
