this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
