that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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