he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
