he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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