My underwear smells like fireworks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My feet surprised me
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