I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
