Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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