i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
