I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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