shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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