my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
