Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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