and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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