im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
