You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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