I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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