Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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