Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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